And like that the enthusiasms left along with two of the four hatch surrounds in one piece, it seems the time it took from me releasing them from the coachroof bonded to its shape and giving them a coat of epoxy and cloth they 'relaxed' their shape to the point they dont fit anymore.Tried to clamp them up into their original shape and 'crack' broke one in half and then did it again to another one. Brilliant! more time and money down the drain..........And then the thoughts started over again.
Do i really want to do this anymore?
I've been mulling the situation over since returning from NZ and my situation is this: i'm 42 years old a jobbing chippy with no savings in the bank, no pension provision, a current account thats permanantly in overdraft & a paid work situation thats parlous at best.
So when in my more darker moments i think about how much more money is needed (£10 - 15K) to finish and how much i could realise from selling everything and cutting my losses, (i'm thinking inboard engine £3K, deck hardware £2K, elcectronics £1 - 2K tools, plant & machinery £2K and all the other items i kept of the original boat - cushions, cooker etc) i wouldn't be far off £8 - 10K.
Admittedly the above figure would still only cover half what i paid for everything but from where i'm sitting at the moment i couldn't half do with that back in the bank. Dont think i'm writing this to ellicit a certain response although that'll probably happen anyway I just can't reconcile how much this boats still fighting me and justify the resources anymore.
When i started the project back in 2007 i was taking home £4k a month and getting finished each day around early afternoon such was the nature of the contract i was on (job and knock). So i was at a loose end and with the boat sat there in the yard i hit upon the idea of bringing it home to work on as it was a ballache if you forgot something plus i'd save £100 odd quid a month on yard fees. Little did i know what was waiting around the corner in 2008, a tax investigation as well as a recession both of which left rather massive holes in my personal finances.
At the time i remember thinking 'come on chin up' and that worked for a while and if honest the boat was a welcome distraction from the depressing reality of my lack of paid work. But in the distance i could see problems such was the rate at which i was burning through what was left of my savings plugging gaps in my earnings. In a way i had my head in the sand thinking something would come up but from that day (2009) to this nothing really has.
My working reality is probably like many of you that read this: one of temporary (2 week or less) contracts, short term prospects, jumping at a moments notice usually to work weekends and evenings sometimes far from home going hand to mouth month after month year after year.
For sure theres plenty of building work out there, i keep reading theres a shortage of skilled trades in the UK and there is if you don't mind working for a third of what you did 10 years ago and i understand why housebuilders are doing this but its just not enough to sustain both myself &the boat.
I know i've said in the past its as dumb to carry on as it is to stop but i'm getting older, and leaving the money aspect to one side its the time too and the fact life feels like its on hold for me because of the time / money paradox (when you have one you seldom have the other) plus the guilt i feel if the weathers good and i'm not working on the boat, its enough to drive you insane i know i've been there & still am to a large extent.
That said I'm over the embarassment of failure - to be honest i'm past caring and i've got to be realistic now, i think it was sailing antares going public with the failure of his Griffon project after a year or so that put mine in perspective. Mines been in the garden for some 8 years and seems no further down the road than 4 years ago when i last ground to a halt.
Also as alluded to, paid work isn't getting any easier to come by and i'm not getting any younger plus my 'sense of duty' that initially motivated the project has all but evaporated along with most of my savings: it certainly hasn't been a labour of love - not for a long time, that ship sailed after the gel peel which only deepens my sense of bitterness at the time and money expended.
If i do stop it wont be sold as a going concern because it isn't one plus:
a) secondhand boat values are through the floor so i've got no chance &
b) like cars i'll get more money breaking it up and selling it off bit by bit which means
c) i would cut up the hull and deck as its worthless in the present economic climate.
Apologies if i come across cold & unemotional to the question of calling it a day but i think its time a few hard truths were faced. Don't get me wrong i realised i've completely ballsed up - financially speaking. I mean i've probably (since taking the boat on in 2004) done about £30k and that includes everything, from paying off Elkins Yard bill right at the beginning (£4k) upto the sheets of insulation i bought a couple of weeks ago and everything inbetween.
So there is that and no one else did that - i did - i'm not blaming anyone or anything for where i'm at. Its just a lack of time, money and if i'm being honest inclination. I'm only too aware with every passing year (coupled with a lack of regular well-paying work) that this boat sits in my garden my options are becoming ever more limited much like my finances.
But unlike 2013 when the emotions i felt were one of embarassment & despair, this time round i genuinely feel nothing which is a little sad so for the moment some introspection and honesty on my part is required.
